How Losing Weight Can Be Bad For A Relationship!

By Julie Dargan | Blog Posting

Jul 06

Can Losing Weight Sabotage a Relationship?

Sarah was heavily overweight most of her life. At the age of 55 and with a pre-diabetes diagnosis, Sarah came to me for advice and guidance on how to improve her health and perhaps shed a few pounds. Fast forward six months and Sarah is losing weight, about 44 pounds BUT may be losing her husband in the process.

Working with successful businesswomen to help them gain control of their expanding waistlines as they approach menopause is as very exciting and humble experience.

To see transformations unfold is rewarding and exhilarating. Women share their successes and downfalls in a safe environment allowing them to achieve the body they are looking for.

Many women share similar stories as Sarah’s. Be it husbands, boyfriends, mothers or girlfriends, once a woman loses weight and get their hormones under control, not everyone in their lives may be celebrating in their success.

Sarah’s husband married Sarah curves and all and does not want her to lose any more weight. This is despite Sarah sharing with her husband that she feels great, her pre-diabetes has been abated, and she would love to continue to lose another 40 pounds.

Lack of support from Sarah’s husband may be due to any of the following points. 

  1. He may genuinely love a woman with curves.
  2. He may have felt “safe” with her curves, believing that no one would try and steal her away.
  3. With Sarah’s weight loss came increased self-esteem and confidence. He may have felt threatened that Sarah may leave him for another man.
  4. The weight loss came with a new fitness regime that does not include him? Where once they used to sit and watch television together, Sarah is now out for an evening walk or getting physical at the gym?

Is Sarah’s husband to be vilified? 

Or is it Sarah’s fault for changing the goal posts? He married a woman with curves, and she is no longer the woman that he married.

My advice to Sarah?

  1. Be true to yourself. Preventing the development of diabetes is a major step towards wellness. Exuding confidence and self-esteem is something that cannot be taught but comes from within and something that very few people actually achieve. For that reason alone I urged her not to give in to her husband’s pleas to regain the lost weight.
  2. Encourage an open dialogue. He may be feeling insecure and if Sarah wants to stay with her husband, she needs to reassure him that though other men now find her attractive, he should not feel threatened but should be proud of any attention she may be garnering.
  3. Include the husband in any extracurricular activities such as walking so the two of the can be gaining the benefits together.
  4. While it is fine to have some curves (as opposed to being ultra skinny), once the curves leans towards being heavily overweight and interfering with your health action needs to be taken.
  5. Lastly, stop pleasing everyone else and start pleasing yourself.

What would you do if you found yourself losing some excess weight only to find someone close to you is trying to sabotage your efforts? I would love to hear you thoughts and how you handled the situation. You can leave your comments below and I will answer everyone’s questions.

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About the Author

Julie Dargan RN, ND, BHSc works with Successful, Busy, Menopausal Women find relief from hot flushes and night sweats, & lose weight gained in their middle years, through diet and lifestyle changes.